Hateful Thing #17

A good lover will behave as elegantly at dawn as at any other time. He drags himself out of bed with a look of dismay on his face. The lady urges him on; “Come, my friend, it’s getting light. You don’t want anyone to find you here.” He gives a deep sigh, as if to say that the night has not been nearly long enough and that it is agony to leave. Once up, he does not instantly pull on his jeans. Instead he comes close to the lady and whispers whatever was left unsaid during the night. Even when he is dressed, he still lingers, vaguely pretending to be buttoning his shirt.

Presently he opens the door, and the two lovers stand together by the side door while he tells her how he dreads the coming day, which will keep them apart; then he slips away, after promising to add her on Facebook. The lady watches him go, and this moment of parting will remain among her most charming memories—until she remembers that they sit next to each other in econ class.

Hateful Thing #16

A lover who is leaving at dawn announces that he has to find his phone and his wallet. “I know I put them somewhere last night,” he says. Since it is pitch dark, he gropes about the room, bumping into the furniture and muttering, “Shit! Where on earth can they be?’ Finally he discovers the objects. He thrusts the wallet into the pocket of his jeans with a great effort; then he snaps open his phone and busily texts away with it. Only now is he ready to take his leave. What charmless behavior! “Hateful” is an understatement.

Hateful Thing #15

A gentleman who travels alone on foot to see a Goodrich dance or some other spectacle. What sort of a man is he? Even though he may not be a person of the greatest quality, surely he should have taken along a few of the many young men who are anxious to see the girls, ahem, sights. But no, he sits alone (one can see that he does not even care to dance), with a proud look on his face, eyeing everyone else and texting his bros.

Hateful Thing #14

I hate people whose text messages show that they lack respect for world civilities, whether by discourtesy in the placement of an unsuitable emoticon or by deliberate misspellings of common phrases like “Thanks” or “What’s up.” This sort of thing is, of course, most odious is the text message is for oneself, but it is bad enough even if it is sent to someone else.

Hateful Thing #13

I cannot stand people who leave without holding the door open behind them for one.

Hateful Thing #12

The sound of birds when they chirp in the early blue morning, when one has finally finished the last paragraph of one’s paper on Nicomachean Ethics, is ominous and hateful.

Hateful Thing #11

A newcomer pushes ahead of the others in the line at snack bar; with a knowing look, this person starts talking loudly to his friends in front, forcing his opinions of the night’s gelato flavors upon everyone – most hateful.